Curriculum vitae / M42

Ratgirl

Iron Priest. Mathematician. Developer. Entrepreneeuieur. Engineer.

Professional portrait / 001

01 / 07

Experience

Principal People's Commissar of Tactical Software Delivery

Space Wolves - Fenrisian Digital Warfare Pack

41,998-Present

Served as an embedded Iron Priest during the Third War for Armageddon, maintaining full sprint cadence throughout planetary deployment.
Facilitated daily pack stand-ups, fortnightly sprint hunts, and quarterly Great Howls in the Fang.
Ported Ork-recognition software into C# without altering the validated FORTRAN 77 control flow. All 183 goto statements remain in production.
Removed the remaining domain classes and interfaces from the targeting path. Operational state is now stored in a single double[] and addressed by numeric offset.
Standardised hostile entity representation as signed 64-bit integers: Wolves are positive, Orks are negative, and uncertainty is zero.
Eliminated unacceptable architectural coupling between the targeting system and the boltgun to which it was physically attached. The two systems can now be deployed independently.
Achieved zero allocations during combat by reserving an 8 GiB numeric buffer during process startup.
Moved all fire-control constants into columns 481-612 of GLOBAL_DATA.
Current production deployment requires Visual Studio 2005 on Wolf-Brother Hrothgar's laptop.
Rejected a pull request from Wolf Guard Kjarl because it declared a class.
Production executable returns 0 on success and -1 when the Emperor has withdrawn His favour.
Migrating .NET Framework 4.8 workloads to .NET 8. Estimated completion: 331.M42.

Deputy People's Marshal for Enterprise Systems Rationalisation

Adeptus Administratum - Central Committee for Digital Transformation

41,991-41,998

Modernised a 14,000-year-old monolith by adding EF 4.
Replaced the parchment-based requisition system with Azure DevOps. Parchment remained the system of record.
Introduced a Grafana/Loki stack to a system processing approximately twelve HTTP requests per week.
Added Redis to improve performance. Removed Redis after it caused a performance issue. Reintroduced Redis during the subsequent remediation.
Decomposed a three-page internal application into fourteen independently deployable services.
Implemented generic repository pattern over Entity Framework.
Represented all dates as floating-point numbers for interoperability with the tactical targeting platform.
Authored organisation-wide coding standard prohibiting else.
Maintained CitizenService, CitizenService2, and CitizenServiceNew.
Led migration from SOAP to a RESTful API with endpoints.

02 / 07

Skills

Languages

C# (procedural), FORTRAN 77 (spiritual), Python, SQL (SELECT only), High Gothic, Orkish

Mathematics

Numerical analysis, linear algebra, probability, calculus, abstract algebra, and topology under protest

Data structures

Arrays, larger arrays, flat arrays pretending to be matrices, and one mutable global array

Cloud

Azure, AWS (root account), Immaterium

Architecture

Program.cs. One file. No declared classes. C# may hallucinate a Program class during compilation, but Ratgirl does not recognise its authority. Numeric data types only. If a record cannot be represented as an offset into GLOBAL_DATA, it does not exist.

Databases

double[,], SQL Server, PostgreSQL, Redis (currently added)

Security

OWASP Top 10, Azure Key Vault, and production secrets retained in appsettings.json for resilience

Methodologies

Agile, dialectical materialism, Codex Astartes, and pack hunting

Version control

git push --force-with-lease

03 / 07

Education

Three Master's Degrees and a PhD

Held by the Grace of Almighty God

Ratgirl possesses three master's degrees and one doctorate. They are not in anything. No terrestrial university participated in this determination.

Fields of study: Not applicable
Conferring authority: Almighty God
Theses: Waived by divine dispensation
Academic standing: Incontestable

04 / 07

Supporting
Documents

ISO/IEC 60559:2020 - Floating-point arithmetic
RFC 2119 - Key words for use in RFCs to Indicate Requirement Levels
Machine Spirit Awareness - completed 41,997
Codex Astartes - 7th Edition
Manual Handling - expired

05 / 07

Dislikes

This section is mandatory and directly relevant to my suitability for senior technical leadership.

Toki Pona

Toki Pona is a psyop designed to exploit Sapir-Whorfic neurolinguistic architecture and deprive the working class of the vocabulary necessary to recognise its own oppression. You cannot achieve proletarian liberation if the only available description of your material conditions is ike.

Dentists

EVIL "TOOTH DOCTORS" who STEAL your TEETH and then make you PAY FOR IT. They keep the teeth. Nobody will tell me where the teeth go.

The Battle of Azincourt

The greatest moment in English history. A muddy field, several thousand longbows, and the French aristocracy discovering the material consequences of terrain. I love the St Crispin's Day speech so fucking much.

The oppression of LGBTQ+ people

I am genuinely disgusted by the systematic oppression of LGBTQ+ people, and particularly by the deliberate political dehumanisation of trans people. I hope that, by 2056, we look back on the cruelty being inflicted now in the same way that we look back on segregation: not as a respectable disagreement from another time, but as an obvious moral failure which decent people had a duty to oppose.

The Zariski Topology

AN ELDRITCH ABOMINATION. A topology in which every non-empty open set is huge and nothing is Hausdorff unless God has personally intervened. To study it is an affront before Heaven and it SHALL CONSUME YOUR SOUL.

The Tories

They hollowed out this country so thoroughly that we are still staggering through a cost-of-living crisis with flat wages, a starved NHS, broken public services, and the far right growing fat on the wreckage. They paved the way for Reform UK, which I regard as a far-right authoritarian and proto-fascist political project. FUCK REFORM. This is political opinion expressed on a joke CV, not a legal allegation.

AND FUCKING BREXIT AHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

06 / 07

Selected
Projects

Project / 001

WAAAGH! Classification Matrix

Hostile entity classification system developed for the Armageddon theatre of war. No objects are created during normal operation.

0 = UNKNOWN
1 = WOLF
-1 = ORK
-2 = LARGER ORK

Stack: .NET 8, one .cs file, 8 GiB double buffer, goto

Project / 002

Ammunition-Svc

Ammunition inventory API for a Space Wolves Great Company.

Endpoints: 8
NuGet dependencies: 0
Daily requests: 6
Replicas: 12

Project / 003

Administratum Digital Transformation

Migration of a Windows Service running on one computer into Kubernetes.

Duration: 4 years
Current status: Windows Service running on one computer

Project / 004

Orbital Ballistics Table Generator

Numerical trajectory model using finite differences, Newton-Raphson iteration, and one unexplained factor of pi.

Numeric type: double
Input units: mixed
Output: 4.2 GB CSV
Convergence: usually

07 / 07

References

/etc/hosts

System.Object (ideological enemy)

Leman Russ

Wolf Guard Kjarl (deceased pending code review)